What’s It Like Being Bipolar?
People often ask, “What’s it like being bipolar?” For me, the answer is not easy to put into words. It’s not just mood swings; it’s a complicated mix of symptoms. It has been life-altering, frightening (at times), and humbling. It has also required learning to live with something that doesn’t go away but can be managed.
What is Bipolar?
Bipolar disorder is a condition where your energy, mood, and behavior can swing wildly. You might be unusually high, talkative, and on-top-of-the-world. Other times, you might feel very low or depressed. Living with bipolar can be overwhelming, because it is a chronic condition. But, with treatment and the right support, many people live meaningful, joyful lives with bipolar disorder.
The Early Signs
For me, the signs of bipolar disorder appeared about a year before I was officially diagnosed. Unlike most people who are diagnosed in their teens or early twenties, I was diagnosed later in life, during perimenopause.
I had bursts of energy and sleeplessness that didn’t match what was happening in my life. I brushed these off as stress due to my starting a new business. I ignored these signs for about a year. I thought I could push through it, and part of me didn’t want to believe something more serious was going on. However, ignoring the signs didn’t make them disappear. Instead, things escalated. My moods got more unpredictable, and eventually, my mind began to slip away from reality.
Living Through Psychosis
Bipolar is not always just mood swings. One of the most difficult parts of my journey with this condition was experiencing psychosis. Like as much as 60 percent of people living with bipolar disorder, I lost touch with what was real. I had paranoia, delusions, and terrifying thoughts that didn’t make sense to anyone but me.
Psychosis is disorienting and frightening. You can’t trust your own perceptions or thoughts. For me, it was a wake-up call that this wasn’t something I could handle on my own.
The Weight of Depression
Depression showed up after the highs of mania. Depression is more than sadness — it’s a heavy fog that makes basic tasks like taking a shower or changing clothes feel impossible. Some days it feels like the energy has been drained out of my body. It’s not just emotional pain, but physical too: exhaustion, slowed movement, even changes in sleep and appetite. Depression makes it hard to stay connected to others, and it can be isolating, and for most people, it’s a part of having bipolar disorder.
My Complicated Relationship with Medication
Medication is a must for most people with bipolar disorder. At first, I outright refused to take medication. I did not think that I needed it. I was also worried about side effects. I avoided meds until things got so bad that I no longer had a choice.
Eventually, I realized that for me, medication was a key piece in being stable. Once I found the right medication combination, it made all the difference. For a year now, I have been stable. That stability has given me space to actually live my life instead of just reacting to the chaos of my symptoms.
So, What’s It Like Being Bipolar?
For me, it’s been a mix of confusion, denial, crisis, and eventually acceptance and stability. It’s not glamorous, and it’s not a story of endless inspiration. It’s a mental illness that has taken me to very dark places. But with treatment and support, I’ve also found ways to manage it.
If you’re wondering “What’s it like being bipolar?” — here’s my answer: It’s hard. But it’s also something you can live with. With the right support, stability is possible. And by sharing my story, I hope to remind others that they aren’t alone.
